Randon stuff

So I have a few hours to myself on this sunny (but surprisingly cold!!) Saturday. Kiddo is hanging out with her Godmother. I just felt like writing. I have been thinking a lot about what went wrong at my job, and how to make some real changes. For myself. To feel better about myself. Because I know I am lucky to be given this second chance. I can't blow it. Actually, I want to do more than just not blow it, I want to really shine. I want to do great work and be respected. I want to kick ass. I just cannot walk around with the constant stress of being way behind in paperwork. I can not end every day with the cruddy feeling that I didn't do my job. Again. It made me feel awful about myself, all the time. As a professional, as an employee. God, I feel so hungry to feel good about my work, about my career. I have years of school, years of work experience. I am capable of so much more than I've done. It's time for me to push myself and stop being lazy. Yes, I said it. Lazy. I've been lazy. And avoiding the hard work. And two weeks ago, I stopped getting away with it.  Talk about a wake up call! Things are going to be different from now on. Because I can't live like I was. This time, when people ask, "How's work going?" I won't have to cringe and change the subject because I feel too guilty/awful to talk or even think about it. This time, when they ask, I'll say, "Oh my God, it's crazy busy. All I do is work!" It's time for me to be a workaholic. I've slacked off long enough. The party is over. Working my fingers to the bone may not be fun, but it sure beats feeling guilty and yucky about myself. So. I have been given a chance for a fresh start. I am actually sooo excited! I truly am. I love that I have this new opportunity to start new and as I said earlier...kick ass...
What I'm trying to work out now is how to make the changes I want to make in my life so that I can feel better about myself and be successful at work. I feel so motivated right now, but I feel like I need some concrete steps and actions, so that I'm not relying solely on willpower and motivation. Because those things wane over time. I need to make good choices that will support my success. For example...it's 2pm on a Tuesday, a client just cancelled at the last minute. I can 1) drive home, telling myself I'm going to do paperwork, but really just screw around on the internet, 2) go back to the office and actually do paperwork, or 3) make some important client related phone calls and/or try to see another client at the last minute to keep up my productivity.
#3 is the best choice. #2 is an ok choice. #1 is what got me fired and is a bad choice. So, really, as I write this, I'm realizing more and more that it all comes down to choices. Every choice I make at work needs to be about giving to the job, not taking from it, as I was. I was essentially stealing from my company. All the times I sat and read blogs or went on Facebook during work hours, I was robbing the organization I work for. Really, I might as well have been sneaking money from the till.
I also robbed myself of the chance to do well professionally and make a good name for myself.
Fresh start. I can't wait!