I very often (too often) day dream about all I could do if I only didn't have to work. I know, I know...I should be grateful I even have a job in this economy. And I am. But I am not happy. The honest truth is...I hate having to work. I wish I could stay home and be a foster mom. I could take Kiddo out of her Afterschool program so we could spend more time together in the afternoons. I could maybe keep our house halfway clean. Cook better meals for dinner. Omg, how great would it be just to be able to stay home and be a full-time mom.
I don't know what to do. I increasingly hate my job. I am applying for other jobs, but never get any responses. I am so unproductive at work that I live in fear that they'll fire me, plus I feel guilty and like I suck, but I just can't motivate myself to kick it up a notch and do what I'm supposed to be doing. Ugg...it.just.sucks. I can't live like this anymore, something has to change. Once upon a time, I had a pretty decent work ethic. But ever since Kiddo came along, I've turned into this horribly lazy, disinterested, distracted employee. My heart just isn't in it. At.all.
If anybody out there (anybody???) has found this blog and is reading this, please give me some words of wisdom. I could use them. I mean, besides "Quit your bitching, get off your lazy ass and just do your job."
Sorry, I wish I had some wisdom to share. I'm older and wisdom is supposed to be part of the benefits of age, there should be some benefit... But alas, I could be you talking except I'm afraid someone at work will read my blog, realize my poor attitude and fire me. All I can say is try to find a job that fits with something that interests you. I should have been a farmer or park ranger but it's a bit late to go that route in my late mid-50s.
ReplyDelete